13 The one who gives an answer before he listens - this is foolishness and disgrace for him. 14 A man’s spirit can endure sickness, but who can survive a broken spirit? 15 The mind of the discerning acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks it. 16 A person’s gift opens doors for him and brings him before the great. 17 The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him. 18 Casting the lot ends quarrels and separates powerful opponents. Proverbs 18:13-18 Christian Standard Bible

Today's reading made me think of an old saying that 'God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we'd listen twice as much as we speak'. The New Testament writer James put it plainly when he wrote: “Dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for human anger doesn't accomplish (bring about) God’s righteousness.” (James 1:19-20) Can you see something in common between James' words and vs 18 in Proverbs?

While there are times when ‘flipping a coin’ can resolve an issue, both linked words to quarrels and anger. A big reason for listening more than we speak, therefore, is because it's a good way to keep arguments from growing. Want an example? Just listen to a couple of people discussing politics, or even a football match between their favourite teams. And if you use social media – look at many of the angry comments that go back and forth over an issue. People get heated and, very often, the hotter they get the less inclined they are to hear what the other person is saying. I would suggest there is a wisdom involved in listening. What is the lesson of vs 13?

We shouldn’t be eager to rush in with our opinions. In any discussion it's easy to say the first thing that comes into our minds without thinking whether out point is really relevant. We may be so determined to win an argument that we are not really taking in what the other person is saying. While they talk we are planning in our mind what we're going to say next instead of concentrating on the point they are making. What's another lesson in listening we see in vs 17?

We mustn't be taken in by well presented speeches until there's been opportunity to ask questions and develop the full picture. Listening involves not only hearing what a person says - but also weighing up why they said it, and whether there are other issues involved. So listening takes time and effort, and a willingness to allow that our opponent may be right! Perhaps that's why people don't find it easy. Verse 15 sums it up. People who listen well show discernment, and that they are willing to learn. People who babble on think they know it all. Could vs 14 be applied to what we've been saying about quarrels and listening?

I think it can. Vs 14 suggests that a broken spirit can be harder to live with than sickness. And it's often harsh, thoughtless and angry words that can break a person's spirit. Oh the damage that can be done even to children by a parent who doesn't make an effort to hear what the child is trying to say and crushes them with hurtful words.

Verse 16 seems to be the odd one out in all this - but it could simply imply that sometimes the way of winning over someone is through a gift. It's not teaching that people should use bribes to pervert justice. A gift can build a bridge where arguments would only create barriers. Actions often do more than words.

It's not unwise to ask God to help us to be more ready to listen than to speak, and for a humility which gives full attention to everyone we have conversations with. It's easy to only give half an ear to someone we may not find interesting. Sincere listening can communicate love. May we be a people who think before we reply, and who have the gentleness of spirit that was seen in Jesus, of whom it was said: “He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle.” (Matthew 12:20) Apart from preventing arguments, listening well can lead to giving the right words to someone whose spirit is broken.