19 Trusting in a treacherous man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slips. 20  Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda. 21-22 If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you. Proverbs 25:19-22 (English Standard Version)

As we go through life there are bound to be people along the way who cause us a measure of hurt. In fact, we may be responsible ourselves for bringing hurt into the lives of others. The writer uses the example of a very sore tooth, or a bad slip on a path, as a picture of pain. But what sort of person did he have in mind who can cause such deep hurt on others? (vs 19)

He speaks of people who we thought we could rely on, but who let us down at a time of deep need. Whether they'd always held a grudge against us, or just fled when they realized that helping us would involve inconvenience or cost on their part, he doesn't say. But the pain remains. He mentions a different type of hurt that people can also experience in vs 20. What is that?

Some people are insensitive. They come up with quick solutions and catch phrases they think ought to cheer us up when we are struggling and feeling low. Christians can be guilty of this by rushing in with spiritual advice before trying to understand what the person is going through. It may not have been intentional on their part, but the result is that the person may feel more hurt than helped. How should we respond to those who cause us pain and sorrow? A natural response is to cut them out of our lives. Some would go further and look for a way of getting back at them. But what did Solomon advise in vs 21-22?

Difficult words. Difficult to fully understand, and certainly difficult to do. They can't be intended for soldiers defending a country from invaders, otherwise it would be an open invite to the enemy to plunder the land. They are surely meant for our personal dealings with others. Jesus told His followers: “You've heard it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” (Matthew 5:44-45) The motive here for showing kindness to those who hurt us is that we will reflect something of what God is like.

The apostle Paul quoted these words from Proverbs in his letter to Christians at Rome. He wrote: “Don't repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it's possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Don't take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it’s written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Don't be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17-21)

Most of us get side-tracked by the bit about burning coals! But that's probably to show that if wrongdoers don't respond to God's kindness which we are trying to show them, they only increase their guilt and will have more to answer for when they stand before the Lord. The main point of Proverbs, and what Jesus and the Paul said, is that God's people mustn’t do evil to those who are evil to us. We are not called to retaliate and look for ways of 'getting back' at them. Instead, we are to show them what kindness we can.

It's easier to write and say these things than to do them. But God will surely help us to act like this if we ask Him. We can take comfort too from knowing that He sees how we may be hurting and, in His time and His way, He will deal with the situation. Keep in mind too how often we may've hurt the Lord by our actions, yet how much kindness He still shows us each day.